Happiness: Solution or Symptom?...

Thinking of happiness as a symptom of something may sound funny, but this is what many people believe.

Just like saying 'If I get in a car accident I will feel sad and may be in pain," many people attribute happiness to outside circumstances:

• If I get into top shape I'll feel far happier and better about myself.
• When I finally make the kind of money I want or deserve, then I'll be happy.
• I'll be so much happier once I've left this relationship, or once so-and-so begins treating me better.

What is this but treating happiness as a symptom?

"If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time." ~ Edith Wharton

As a society, I fear we in the Western world have allowed happiness to become something elusive: we have been indoctrined into the belief that happiness is something outside of us - a difficult-to-achieve ideal, something that must be chased, captured or reached for unendingly.

Much of this phenomenon can be traced to advertising, and sadly, the personal development community. Even the American constitution refers to happiness as something to be pursued!

The Happiness Challenge

Sometimes we believe that we can either have abiding happiness OR all the material things we long for.

For instance, many people secretly fear that if they 'settle' into their current lives and just BE happy the way they are, then the message they are sending out to 'the Universe' is that they are content; they no longer wish to have anything more. This couldn't be further from the truth!

The opposite is really true, and once you can see this clearly perhaps you'll let your natural joy bubble to the surface.

Here is an example to illustrate the point:

Say we have a woman who is wallowing in loneliness, and longing for a man to 'complete' her life. She wishes someone would adore her, and feels that her dream man's love will make everything OK, and she will finally be happy.

In reality, anyone she attracts while in this state will be someone who is feeding off of her unhappiness and the relationship will not be a healthy nor a happy one.

Now, let's say a man appears who absolutely adores this woman from head to toe and thinks she is the cat's meow. Unfortunately, for whatever reason this is NOT the man she was hoping for, and thus none of this affection gets into her heart.

Now to the point: his adoration will not get into her heart unless and until she opens up and loves him back. You see, it's HER love and inner happiness she will feel if and when she does that...not his. There is nothing outside of her that allows her to feel this way. In fact, the man in question could be perceived as annoying and even kind of creepy if she doesn't feel the same way about him.

That feeling of adoration and love we think we get from others is really us letting our love out to shine. It's our own adoration and love we feel, and of course this can happen with anyone - your neighbor, an acquaintance or a beloved child who 'belongs' to someone else.

Every wonderful - or not-so-wonderful - feeling we have comes from within us, NEVER from outside. If instead our hypothetical woman decided to be happy no matter what came her way, she would shine like a beacon and many people would instinctively be attracted to her...she could then choose from that point of happiness and attraction and the results would be far more enjoyable and positive.

When it comes to improving finances or any other life situation we are dissatisfied with, being unhappy about it serves no purpose other than to perpetuate more of the same. While being aware of what we don't want helps us to define what we do, unhappiness is just misery, plain and simple.

"Happiness is a form of courage." ~ Holbrook Jackson

That's a wonderful quote, isn't it? Happiness really IS a form of courage these days, if only because it takes a soul willing to eschew the traditional pursuit of it in order to experience it. One needs to slow down, look inside and realize that all the elements for happiness have always been there, regardless of outside circumstances. You are alive, you are capable of love (even if there's no one around right now to shower it on, you've got your wonderful self!), you have a whole world of experiences and opportunities open to you, and every new moment brings new input and allows you a new choice. What's not to be happy about? What more fabulous adventure could you have signed up for, if you could have imagined such a thing (and I believe you did)?

Never want all your desires to manifest at one...for then what would you do?...

Some books you may enjoy:

Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnac: This book is a fabulous tool and follows Sarah's journey within as she explored the real meaning of abundance...it's not what she thought and it may not be what you think either! There is nothing ascetic nor sacrificial in Sarah's approach; rather she encourages us through example to define our own meaning of decadence and richness. Perfect for January as this book contains a whole new year of daily entries, but a great read any time!

7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey: This lovely and insightful book has become a success classic partly because it transcends most personal development-type material by entering into deeply personal territory, and by looking at the very big picture of why we do what what we do and what meaning our lives ultimately have. An excellent read and a very important step in creating the future YOU choose.

Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff: A look at being truly happy from the inside, this book contains interviews with people who have already made this decision, and will leave you with new joy and the natural happiness you are meant to experience on a daily basis.

Happiness: Solution or Symptom?...

Each New Choice

In my quest to help others live their dreams, I talk with a lot of people about the subject. As you might imagine, a question I commonly ask others is 'Are you living your dreams?' Of course, if they are not, then the next question to address would be 'why not?' This usually begins an important discussion about a person's beliefs and their exposure to goal setting, positive environments, role models and the principles of success.

A second and equally important question involved in this discussion is 'Have you defined your dreams and decided to LIVE the characteristics and traits of that dreamer personified?'

Many of us who are on the personal development road get caught in the 'waiting for our dreams to come true' trap; while we are happy and grateful most of the time, we expect we will be much happier and even more grateful when our 'dreams come true.'

What we all need to remember is that life is NOW. Will we look back when we've achieved some of our bigger goals and see that we have wasted countless days and hours longing for a better future?

While having goals and striving for them with focus and persistence is important, so too is living our now moments with fulfillment and richness. Isn't that what we are striving for anyway?...

As an example, if your 'future' ideal self is one who is excited, positive, free from fear or worry, do you assume it is because he/she has plenty of money or lives in a dream house? Step back for a moment, because this thinking is definitely on the wrong track. There is NOTHING outside of you that can make you feel powerful, happy or satisfied. While you may gain a temporary inflated feeling from getting a new car or buying your dream home, those feelings are simply internal ones, being amplified by the newness of your accomplishment.

All feelings are inside of you, and start with a choice you make beforehand and in the moment. While it may sometimes seem as if feelings take you over or come from somewhere else, I invite you to explore the part you and your thoughts have played in their creation. In doing so, you can begin to consciously choose to create otherwise, and then you really will be living the way you want, and attracting your dreams closer and closer to you.

Consider the 'feelings' a person may have after cultivating the following hypothetical thought patterns:

• A: "Why do things always go wrong after a few dates?" "What is wrong with me that I cannot attract anyone good?" "Why does this always happen to me?" "Why can't I ever get a break?"
• B: "This is useless. I don't know why I bother." "Sam always gets the plum jobs. God, I can't stand that guy." "She's such a phony. Whay can't everyone see through her like I can?"
• C: "What a great day! I wonder what exciting things will happen today?" "What can I learn from this so I can do better next time?" "I have decided that I will always bounce back, no matter what happens. Nothing can stop me." "Do I feel like running today, or swimming?"
• D: "Let me think of five good things about that person..." "I'm so grateful for all the good in my life, and I'm open for even more!" "What is needed here, and how can I contribute to this situation?" "What can I do right now that will move me toward my dreams?"

Follow the trajectory...as daily life unfolds, person A and person B will 'experience feelings' of frustration, anger, hopelessness, resentment, jealousy, and possibly even seething hatred. The physiology caused by such thought patterns is also dangerous for one's health.

Persons C and D, on the other hand, will likely 'experience feelings' of happiness, satisfaction, contribution, joy and gratitude, and the powerful feelings associated with achievement and anticipation of success. They will feel vibrant, energetic and excited about life.

As psychologist Daniel Gilbert points out in his amazing and deeply thought-provoking book 'Stumbling on Happiness,' we as humans are not fabulous at predicting how we will feel in the future. All the more reason, in my mind, to make conscious decisions about how we wish to feel and behave in any given situation.

By cultivating the thought patterns associated with the dream life we want and the dream person we want to be, we can begin to live that life NOW, with each new day. Each new choice puts you in the driver's seat of your life - begin making your choices consciously!

Each New Choice

Why Can't We Be Fresh Every Day?

No, I'm not talking about personal hygiene.

What I mean is, why is it only around New Year's that we get contemplative, look at our lives with fresh eyes and make resolutions to change? Why don't we go to bed every night or wake up each morning and review what is going well, what we'd like to accomplish and things we wish to adjust? A year is an awfully long time to wait to acknowledge we may need to change something, and to wait again until we evaluate how we've done.

Perhaps we are afraid to look at our lives directly, and so we save it up until we feel somewhat obligated by the New Year's tradition. Somehow the thought of a fresh new year makes us feel empowered to make changes, as if we have a clean slate and a rocket-powered start. The beautiful part is the feeling that comes along with it...that wonderful feeling of having a new lease on life...another chance.

Why not create that feeling every day?? A NEW DAY. A new chance. It really can be true if we look at it that way. Each sunrise we are given a fresh, new day, and no one but us holds tethers to the past and the way things have been. We can be or do anything we want, and we enjoy the free will to change any part of it at any moment.

This doesn't mean you can run off over the horizon and leave your spouse and kids behind wondering what the heck happened (although you could), but it does mean that your life is not as solid and steady as you make it out to be. Everything is fluid, and you are keeping things looking the same by your habits and thought patterns. Imagine the progress you could make towards your dreams if, instead, you viewed each day as a clean slate and wrote on it what you'd like it to look like. This is more about feelings of empowerment, freedom, and happiness than about events or circumstances. If you go to sleep and say to yourself 'When I wake up, I want to be on a sunny tropical beach and have no worries for the rest of my life' when in reality you are an accountant with a wife, three kids and a big project due tomorrow, you are going to wake up disappointed. Instead, work on creating the feelings you want, and the circumstances will bend to your creative powers.

Did I say work? I meant PLAY. Play, each day, with creating more and more of the wonderful feelings you want to make up the fabric of your life. Explore and discover what makes you happy, excited, and puts that fresh spring in your step, and then create more of that. Don't wait until next year.

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Happy For No Reason...now there's a great book title! This book is creating waves on the market, and for good reason. It comes recommended by many mentors I love, from Jack Canfield to Dr. Mehmet Oz, Marianne Williamson to Phil Town. As Phil Town says in a recent review, this book isn't about Pollyanna-ish happy sayings, it's about raising your baseline of happiness. I would say it's about getting the HAPPY first, and attracting the things you want by being your truest, lightest self - happy, healthy and full of joy. More friends, more money, better connections, better treatment wherever you go...you won't get these when you have more money. You'll get them - the money included - when you have the feelings which attract them. Of course, we've been learning this all along, but this is a cumulative process. Every book, every source of information which can say it in a new way and really get through to you is worth the investment. Each chinks away at the armor of self-defensive behavior, resentment and frustration, and habitual thought patterns which keeps things the way they are. If you go ahead and get this book, which is destined to be a classic in the self development field, enjoy!

Why Can't We Be Fresh Every Day?